She was in love. Surprise accepted me for who I was. She did not mind whether I was a struggling photographer, a college student or an adjunct professor. Not marrying that kind of girl would have been foolish.
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| Picture By Life Moments Media. Livestock is greatly considered when thinking of marriage. |
Step 1: Find a trustworthy go-between (dombo)
I did not waste any time. Soon after Surprise and I started dating, I enlisted my youth pastor as my dombo. A dombo is supposed to be someone who knows the groom well. And importantly, he should have good people skills. Pastor Joseph Mutemani was the right man for the job.Step 2: Send your dombo for inquiries
I had never been married before, so I stressed myself about how I was going to raise my lobola. “Edmond, you should stop worrying. You don’t know how much Surprise’s family is going to charge you. Send your dombo to inquire.” My wise neighbor, Pastor Sibanda advised. I sent Pastor Mutemani to inform Surprise’s family that I was dating her. And to set dates for our traditional marriage.Step 3: Be a man, save for the bride price
I had a well-paying job at a local university, but I had to save. Each month, I set aside a fraction of my income for my bride price. The current economy in most African countries doesn’t permit saving anymore. But lobola has to be paid, and the in-laws have to understand. A good dombo like Pastor Mutemani would know what to say in such scenarios.Step 4: Go and pay your lobola
In less than six months after Surprise and I started dating, I went to her village to pay my lobola. They are many dangers associated with long relationships. I didn’t want to date for a long time.I went through all these stressful steps because I wanted to honor my mother-in-law for raising Surprise right. Most of the women I know taught their daughters to check what a boy’s job is before they commit to marriage. That’s why I love my mother-in-law. The least I could do to honor her was to pay lobola.
By Edmond Sanganyado
